Reactionary Theology...

At times I've struggled with studying theology in a completely reactionary context. What do I mean? Here is an example: I attend Baptist Bible College in Clarks Summit, PA. It's a good school, with some really sharp profs, a zealous passion for ministry, and a dispensatonal zeal that sometimes out-does their zeal for other more important areas of doctrine. In light of the fact that I'm an amillenialist, disputes sometimes arise over my differences with the school. I've been labeled divisive and argumentative because I don't hesitate in sharing with other people how I differ with the school and because I sometimes see the need for professor/student interaction on controversial subjects that I would deem secondary. Besides, it is an institution right? A place of learning where the free exchange of ideas should be celebrated rather than scorned? I say all this because I've sometimes found myself so caught up with fighting against dispensational theology that I've completely missed the beauty of the gospel. Instead of looking at the gospel as a message of beauty and peace to a vile sinner such as I, I'll look at the gospel as something that always needs to be fought over, debated about, argued for. Don't get me wrong, please! I am by no means stating that we should'nt defend the gospel when error creeps into our church's and institutions. There is indeed a time and a place for everything. Luther's Bondage of the Will stands as one of the greatest theological treatises ever written and if you read it for yourself, you'll find that it is very re-actionary and rightly so! Yet even in light of the fact that Luther lived in constant controversy, daily defended the true gospel against the heresies of Rome, and bitingly wrote against the errors of Erasmus, the fact still remains...Luther loved Jesus and his theology and work wasn't always studied and presented within the context of re-action. I see a need for this: Christians to defend the gospel over and against the heresies of our day while still appreciating, loving, basking in, and finding joy in the gospel itself! I've been to so many websites and blogs who can't even devote one post to writing about the beauty of Christ and the gosepel. Every single post is devoted to bashing an opponent over the head with the metaphorical hammer, exposing their errors, and criticizing their thought. Again, don't get me wrong. There is a dire need for a strong defense of the faith in the midst of so many errors. But when our theology is only presented within the context of reaction, we often forget the reason why we are defending and the gospel is reduced to nothing more than a commodity to be argued over. I think this is a sad faith and I lament my struggle with this in the past. I want to love Jesus for who He is, what He's done, and what He's doing. I want to see and to savor the beauty of the gospel in the midst of so many errors, and heartily remember why I need to defend the faith. I'm kind of trying to work this out in my own life, finding the balance between positive exultation and reactionary defense. We definitely need both. I just think that sometimes we go to the one extreme and completely forget the other. We are sinners saved by grace and we need to remember that. Calvinists should be the most humble and gracious people of all and I think sometimes people view us as arrogant, proud, and extremely re-actionary. May God grant us the grace to see and savor the beauty of Jesus as we exult in Him and defend our faith.